Friday, March 29, 2013

'Lil Smokies and Costco Cake

Yeah, you read that right. When I fall off the wagon, I fall hard and on the way down I eat nitrate-filled meats and over-frosted cake. Damn you, co-worker, for getting pregnant and having a baby shower will all sorts of delicious, processed food.

If there is any good to be taken from this situation, my system was "detoxified" enough after nine days of clean eating for my  binge-o-rama to have quite an effect. The afternoon was spent slumped over, moaning and hoping no one came into my office. Of course, I can't precisely pinpoint which food caused this because there were so many. (Did I not mention the punch, sour cream dip or cream cheese mints? Oops.)

The sad thing was, I didn't even care. Here's why. On Monday morning, after seven days of eating like a freaking rabbit, I stepped on the scale. This was going to be fantastic. Every night I'd gone to bed with my stomach feeling like it was eating itself, but the pay-off was going to be worth it. As the number flashed before my eyes I couldn't believe it. It was four pounds heavier than when I started. Four pounds. FOUR POUNDS! How is that even possible?

I didn't do this cleanse for the sole purpose of losing weight. The main goals were to get my sweet tooth back in check, ratchet up the weekly vegetable intake and feel better. But it would be a lie to say I didn't want to drop the last of the pregnancy weight. Once I saw that number, my resolve was gone.

So to answer the few who have inquired about the cleanse this week, there you go. I am still eating a few of the recipes and snacks because they were good enough to put in regular rotation. It also inspired me to find some new, healthier versions of my old recipes. 

The weight loss thing will be handled by my fall-back method - getting up earlier to work out longer. After my hiatus, I also look forward to taking Trudy out running again. If I can just figure out how to run without peeing myself. That's another little post-pregnancy gem they don't tell you about when you're pregnant. One of the many.

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Week 1 Complete

Yes, I'm still doing the cleanse, detoxifying, eating so clean it hurts thing. While I was far from perfect, I did better than anticipated. Grade for week one - B+.

Some of the recipes were good, others I didn't make. By the end of the week, it was pretty much roasted vegetables for dinner. Husband had some pasta and I did steal a bite. It was so good. I also took a bite of his roast beef sandwich this weekend. Since I made the sandwich, I consider it a toll.

On the good side, I haven't had sugar, processed foods or booze. With the exception of the sandwich bite, no meat or dairy either.

Things learned:

1. When all you eat is vegetables, fruit, nuts and lentils, you will go to bed hungry.

2.  Spoonfuls of organic almond butter are a fine substitute when you can't have sugar.

3. The program says you'll feel bloaty and icky the first week. The program is right.

4. I'm not "springing out of bed" in the morning yet. (Does anyone with a baby spring out of bed?) However, I am getting by on little to no caffeine.

5. Had I not done the accountability thing, I would have quit this weekend. Snowed in plus March Madness equaled me wanting pizza.

6. It's imperative your spouse support the effort. Despite the Facebook mockery, Husband has been a great sport about eating the cleanse food.

That's it. I'm tired. I'm hungry. I have two more weeks.

Monday, March 18, 2013

Cleanse - Day 1

Started out the day with forty minutes of yoga, green tea and cleaning up a poop explosion courtesy of the Bean. (How can so much come out of something so little?)

If interested, the plan I'm following can be found along with the recipes. Some things have been modified since I won't eat foods I don't like. (Beets, I'm looking at you.) I'll also rate the recipes I try using one through five, five being excellent.

8am: Blueberry-Mint Smoothie (4.5, surprisingly good, but used less avocado than it called for)
9am: Celery with almond butter
10:30am: Apple, Excedrin (this is not part of the plan, but I don't care so much about cutting caffeine)
11am: Trail Mix (3.5, it's good but would require something with chocolate to earn a 5. Old habits die hard, I guess.)
2:30pm: Lentil soup, salad with vinegar and olive oil, orange
3pm: Now is when I usually get an afternoon snack of the sugar variety. The vending machine misses me.
5:30pm: a few cashews and two apricots
8pm: Cauliflower "Rice" Stir-fry (4, good, but time-consuming for a weeknight)

Not gonna lie -- I'm pretty hungry, but it's almost bedtime and I've brushed my teeth. Sad thing about any sort of food regiment, is you think about food all the time. Fortunately, the first week appears to be the hardest and I'm one-seventh way through. (That's a half-assed fraction.)

Included is a picture of the Bean from tonight, sitting up, getting big and generally ruling the roost.

Sunday, March 17, 2013


This will be brief, but I'm hoping for some accountability. Tomorrow I begin a 21-day cleanse. This pains me as I've always thought the whole cleanse-detoxify-colonic thing was total bunk. (I still think colonics are whack.) However, last week my sugar addiction reached a new low as I found myself eating spoonfuls of frozen buttercream frosting multiple times a day.

So after an intensive weekend of yoga teacher training, tomorrow seems like as good a day as any to start this experiment. Week one is vegetables, fruit, nuts, seeds and lentils. I anticipate being mean as a snake. Husband best plan a work trip.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Puffers and Poop Pants

My blog post mini-hiatus is not due to lack of material. It's also not due to the new mom fallback reason of I just don't have time. (I have time to look at houses on the Reece & Nichols web site, so I have time to blog.) The real reason is, I get halfway through an entry and don't have a tidy way to wrap it up so it gets scrapped.

Previous unfinished posts have been about yoga teacher training (awesome), my parents selling the house I grew up in (not awesome) and turning 40 (awesome and not awesome simultaneously?)

Today's post, because I'm lazy, is yet another list of parenthood insights I have gained from the Bean.

1. Always go to the bathroom before you leave work to pick your kid up from daycare. This will be your last opportunity until your spouse gets home or the baby goes to bed, whichever comes first.

2. The baby will always have the biggest poop ever within an hour after a bath.

3. The should give out a Ph.D. in baby toenail trimming.

4. Your baby will never be totally booger-free. You clean out the nostril, turn to dispense the Q-Tip and turn back around to find new boogers. It's like they're on-deck boogers waiting to step in. You will eventually make peace with the fact your kid has a party going on in her nose even though you used to judge other parents for the same thing.

5. The rate at which ear wax accumulates in their ears is astounding. The easiest way to get it out is with your pinky-nail. Totally disgusting, but effective. Next I'll be spitting on a napkin and wiping her face.

6. Baby food meat is really cat food.

7. No one tells you how difficult it is to maneuver the car seat. I have tendonitis in both elbows from carrying her around in it and cannot figure out a good solution.

8. The Bean is baffled by those puffer things. However, Trudy is delighted to have a third person from whom to steal food.

9. The Bean also has an aversion to coats. I'm hoping she didn't inherit Husband's aversion to pants.

10. When the baby starts to have "poop pants", it's time to size up in diapers. (This is when you remove the diaper to find poo covering the entire region, therefore shaped like a diaper. It's as disgusting as it sounds.)

Well, I made it to ten, so I'm considering it a successful post.