Charley and the Sleepless Factory

Well, I have about eighteen topics that are worthy of a blog entry and six minutes to write. So what does that get you? A modified top ten list covering the first nine days of motherhood.

1. I'm not going to horrify any new moms-to-be with a delivery horror story. Mine was actually okay. Not fun, mind you. Not painless. But if you told me I had to do it again next week, I could manage. (After a fair amount of complaining.) Labor lasted 24 hours. An epidural is a tiny gift from God. I pushed through five contractions and there she was - Charlotte Elizabeth Saab.

2. It is quite all right to have the nurses put the baby in the nursery at night. I enjoyed those few hours of stress-free sleep. They may have been my last.

3. If a tan, cologne-wearing security guard knocks on your hospital door and asks if there are any weapons in the room, it's a safe bet my husband will suspect he's a stripper. This scenario was made better by the fact that friends were there to witness it and there was filet knife with an eight inch blade hidden under the mattress. Thanks to the previous tenant for leaving this behind, thus providing a great laugh and good story.

4. There's a moment as you pull away from the hospital with your first child in the backseat and think, holy crap, who agreed to let us do this? Do they know us? Are they insane? Someone has made a horrible mistake.

5. Breastfeeding is really, really hard. And those strange women in the La Leche League, while very nice, can drive you nuts with the skin-on-skin concept. I needed a straight-talking, no-nonsense nurse to just tell it to me straight. Thanks, Julia.

6. Yeah, I'm going to go there and mention what you're not supposed to. Bringing home a newborn is difficult. So. Stinking. Hard. While I knew it was going to be a struggle, it's beyond my comprehension. Every night I have a witching hour - not the baby. I cry and sob and guiltily miss the freedom of my old life. I cry for the dog. I cry for a complete night's sleep. I cry because it is a wall of emotion that makes it impossible not to. Then it eventually subsides and I have a popsicle and tell myself this part is only temporary.

7. Husband changes diapers better than I do.

8. A complete to-do list for the day might be "shave legs." And that's okay.

Well, the Squack Box is awake so a top eight list will have to do.

Okay, 9. There are some moments that are incredibly sweet. Like when she's swaddled in her crib first thing in the morning. Everything is quiet, the sun is coming through the blinds and she opens her eyes and looks so peaceful. Those are pretty amazing.

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