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Message to Lululemon

Dear Ms. Lemon,

I have a bone to pick with you. This may come as a surprise because you're pretty much perfect with your fabulous patterns and ability to make most asses look perky. But here's my issue. You've turned yoga class into junior high.

Like Guess jeans and Benetton rugby shirts circa 1988, you are all about status. That little horseshoe-like logo winks at me from the next mat over. "You know you want to own a pair," it says. "Athleta and Lucy are fine and good, but if you are serious about yoga, go with Lulu."

Like most new moms managing a budget that includes one million diapers per month (that's what it feels like anyway) I picked a special occasion to reward myself. I'd get a pair of Lulu's for my fortieth birthday and BAM, I'd be the cool kid in yoga class. My ass will perk, my thighs will tone and maybe even splits will become possible because if I'm going to spend $100 on a pair of yoga pants, they better damn well do the poses for me.

To be fair, Athleta and Lucy pants are no bargain. But here's the thing, Lulu, they have sales. Real sales, not the flippy "We Made Too Much" section of the web site that includes miniscule markdowns on clothing that never should have seen the light of day anyway. I'm talking sales where I can get a great top for under $30 or pants for $40.

Even better than the scouring sales is a new-to-me brand called Mika. Their yoga capris are amazing. And affordable. I know! I just fell out of my chair! When I put on their Mia capris last weekend I felt - and dare I say looked - like the athlete I was pre-pregnancy. Granted, I was wearing a long t-shirt, but who cares? 3athletejen was kinda back. If you'd like to check out your competition, LL, go to www.mikayogawear.com.

It would be unfair for me not to give you props where due. You are nice to offer free, community yoga classes. You do a great job partnering with local athletes and making them ambassadors. You're definitely not a "mean girl" and with the exception of your little Ayn Rand misstep, you may even by sort of nice. But I can't get past how you've created such status in a place where I had hoped all would remain equal.

So I won't be partaking of your snazziness anytime soon. Not that it will make a difference to your bottom line. The new plaza store is insanely crowded and loud. (God, I'm old.) But it makes me feel a tiny bit better using my dollar to support the under - and more affordable - dog. If you need to contact me, my Mikas and I will be in the corner, cursing under my ujjayi breath, trying to do the splits.

Sincerely,
3athletejen

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