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"Would you like a cookie with that?"

After ordering a sandwich, lemonade and chips the lady at Einstein Bros. Bagels asked if I would like a cookie. I paused. When - especially as a pregnant woman - do I want a cookie? The answer is always. However, considering my limited pants choices right now, the correct answer is no. I reluctantly shook my head, but did gaze lovingly at the cookies letting them know, it's not you, it's me. And my ever expanding ass.

Pregnancy has not brought about my finest culinary choices. Last week I stopped at the CVS at the corner of Linwood and Prospect because I needed strawberry pop tarts, stat. I barely had the car door closed before I tore open that shiny foil. No need to toast them; they're just find cold. The urgency of these cravings is shocking.

I heard a story about a pregnant woman who just craved ice and fruit. Really? Who is this woman? I would like to punch her. My cravings swing from pickles (yes, I'm a cliche) to Houston's hamburgers, onion rings to bacon, frozen waffles to lasagna. Sadly, fruit and ice just never seem to be atop the list.

I made the mistake of perusing the internet about what's happening at the beginning of the second trimester. It said, "At this point, you may have gained two to five pounds."

Cherry shake sprayed across the key board. What? Hell, I'm chalking up five pounds alone to holiday weight gain. I work in education which everyone knows is a dessert mine field. In December, a co-worker even brought in a different batch of cookies every day. Like I can pass that up.

On a positive note, there was a three day window during week 14 when I felt great. Energy was up. Workouts were strong. The urge to pee was manageable. Then the crud that is sweeping across town came to rest in my lungs. Much coughing, nose blowing and napping has followed. But I am still buoyed by the myth of the feel-good second trimester. I just might feel normal again. Someday.

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