Skip to main content

Dumb-assness

I’d like to coin this phrase, but no doubt someone’s beat me to it. However, it’s been more prevalent in my vocabulary lately. Somehow it seems kinder to say someone suffers from “dumb-assness” verses just calling him or her a dumb-ass. Like it’s beyond their control that they do completely stupid things. There are several great examples I’d like to share, but am afraid one of my two readers may know of whom I speak and that would be bad.

Onto even less interesting news…training for IM-Wisconsin has officially begun. Yeehaw. Last week saw totals of: 3:20 hrs. on the bike trainer, 2:15 hrs. on the treadmill, 10,500 yards in the pool and 2 hours of yoga. Throw in a couple nights coaching the Blazers swim kiddos, and my permanent scent has a strong chlorine base to it.

Speaking of coaching tonight is one of the two nights per week I get to shape young swimmers into the great athletes they aspire to be. Okay, that’s a lie. I’m the coach that has resorted to prizes purchased at the Dollar Store to get the little buggers to complete a set. It’s amazing how hard they’ll work for a key chain. The exchange goes something like this:


Me: Okay, guys. We’re going to do a set of four 50’s free.

Kids continue to bob around in the water completely disregarding me.

Me: Guys. What did I just say? What set are we doing?

Kids stare blankly at me through their bug-eyed goggles.

Me: Okay. Whoever can swim the four 50’s with the best form and a PROPER flip turn gets whatever prize I’m holding behind my back.

Kids (simultaneously): Oh, pick me! I can do awesome flip turns! I never win anything! I really want the prize!!!! Pick me!!!


50’s are completed and Tyler is declared the winner. There is much ceremony to getting out of the pool and him picking which of my hands contains the prize he wants. And what does his hard work earn him? A Bic pen. I’m the worst coach ever.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I love Russell Brand, even in skinny jeans

Training is about a B- right now. Running has been minimal due to some calf issues. I blame the feet shoes. Boyfriend and I saw Get Him to the Greek last night and found it surprisingly good. (Unlike Hot Tub Time Machine , which we had high hopes for and was only ho-hum.) Laughed to the point of tears several times. Russell Brand can actually act and P Diddy is hilarious. If you like Superbad type humor, you will like this. I ranked it above The Hangover , though Boyfriend didn’t quite agree with that assessment. Followed movie with a scoop of chocolate-peanut butter from Baskin-Robbins. Perfect summer night.
1 comment
Read more

Zack, the Smiths and a Gift Card

I’ve lived in my house for three years. Apparently, some guy named Zack has also lived in my house for the past year. Or at least Bill and Annie Smith (not their real names) in Overland Park, Kansas think he lives at my address. They send him a lot of cards – thank you notes, just for fun cards and yesterday, I received Zack’s birthday card. Obviously for me to know what kind of cards they send, I open them. The first time I received one, I “Returned to Sender,” but not since then. They keep on coming and I keep on opening them. It’s like reality TV, but through the mail. I’m not proud of my actions and suspect it’s illegal for me to keep opening Zack’s mail. But now I’m genuinely interested in how he’s doing. Zack got a new job last fall (Attaboy card), gave the Smiths Big 12 Tournament tickets (thank you note), and he had a birthday this week. Until yesterday, there was nothing of value in the cards besides sweet sentiment. But in the birthday card there was a Pla...
2 comments
Read more

Bumper Cars

I hate bumper cars. Hated them the first time I ever tried them. I got in the little car, excited to get to steer. The signal goes off and all these people I don’t know are out to get me. One second I’m facing one way and the next I’ve been blindsided by some bratty ten-year-old, my car has done a 180 and the back of my head hurts. My life has been a bit bumper car-ish lately. If you’ve read any of my previous entries, you get the gist I’m a control freak, so quick directional changes are not my thing. But sometimes you don’t have a choice. Yes, this all sounds a little vague. Some of the changes I can put on my blog, others aren’t as appropriate. Appropriate changes: I’ve started in a new position at the college as a project manager. It’s challenging and fun, but the learning curve is steep and I still sit in many meetings taking notes about things I completely don’t understand. (PeopleSoft, anyone?) Secondly, I lasted through two sessions of my first grad school class. I’m em...
1 comment
Read more