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Dumb-assness

I’d like to coin this phrase, but no doubt someone’s beat me to it. However, it’s been more prevalent in my vocabulary lately. Somehow it seems kinder to say someone suffers from “dumb-assness” verses just calling him or her a dumb-ass. Like it’s beyond their control that they do completely stupid things. There are several great examples I’d like to share, but am afraid one of my two readers may know of whom I speak and that would be bad.

Onto even less interesting news…training for IM-Wisconsin has officially begun. Yeehaw. Last week saw totals of: 3:20 hrs. on the bike trainer, 2:15 hrs. on the treadmill, 10,500 yards in the pool and 2 hours of yoga. Throw in a couple nights coaching the Blazers swim kiddos, and my permanent scent has a strong chlorine base to it.

Speaking of coaching tonight is one of the two nights per week I get to shape young swimmers into the great athletes they aspire to be. Okay, that’s a lie. I’m the coach that has resorted to prizes purchased at the Dollar Store to get the little buggers to complete a set. It’s amazing how hard they’ll work for a key chain. The exchange goes something like this:


Me: Okay, guys. We’re going to do a set of four 50’s free.

Kids continue to bob around in the water completely disregarding me.

Me: Guys. What did I just say? What set are we doing?

Kids stare blankly at me through their bug-eyed goggles.

Me: Okay. Whoever can swim the four 50’s with the best form and a PROPER flip turn gets whatever prize I’m holding behind my back.

Kids (simultaneously): Oh, pick me! I can do awesome flip turns! I never win anything! I really want the prize!!!! Pick me!!!


50’s are completed and Tyler is declared the winner. There is much ceremony to getting out of the pool and him picking which of my hands contains the prize he wants. And what does his hard work earn him? A Bic pen. I’m the worst coach ever.

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