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Strange denizens of the yoga studio.

I love yoga. I love my yoga studio. I do not, however, love all my fellow students. Allow me to introduce.... strange denizens of the yoga studio. 

The Jingler. 
This woman wears more jewelry than Mr. T. And every necklace and bracelet has various charms. It only takes the tiniest shift in body positioning to sound like a bell choir. Thank you, Jingler, for adding your personal soundtrack to the class.

The Porno-breather.
Yes, yoga is all about breath. I work hard to make my inhales and exhales sound like a mockery of Darth Vador. But, Mr. Porno-breather, you scare me. The HVAC noises that you emit nearly block out the instructor's commentary. Frankly, I think you're just showing off.

Anti-antiperspirant Man.
Ah, geez. Does this even need mentioning? We're in a heated studio. In the summer. Doing an activity that requires deep breathing. I don't care if you're Matthew McConaughey, do us all a favor and throw on some Speedstick.

The Gadget Gal. 
I'm not talking about yoga props. Her mat is surrounded by towels, keys, a cup of water, cell phone, extra t-shirt, a watch, hair accessories and socks. See the wall at the back of the room? Those are shelves. Give 'em a shot.

The Preemptive Poser.
The PP likes to anticipate the next pose. She's always one step ahead, unless she's wrong. Which is almost all the time. PP's aren't really bothersome unless they're on the mat next to you. Then you spend the class fascinated by how many times they screw up. (Maybe that's just me. I've always been competitive.)

Ms. Madonna Arms.
I have no complaints about you except that I am jealous. Seriously, all you do is yoga? No weights? No swimming? No P90X? Because I covet your arm definition. You are an inspiration. Or a freak of nature.

Feel like I should end on a positive note, but just don't have one today. Namaste. 

Comments

  1. BeccaJuly 3, 2009 at 7:51 PM

    Um...I love this blog entry, but I will post what everyone is thinking. You left out the obvious Yoga Enthusiast: The Gas Passer. I know there is a gas passer found in every gym activity, doing squat thrusts next to you in the weight room, on the tread mill, and in Step Aerobics class, but is it not so much more blatantly obvious in yoga?
    Namaste!

    ReplyDelete

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